When I was little, we had an enormous collection of recorded VHS tapes of all kinds of movies and tv shows in our study. In particular, I remember the, I imagine them to be like Clydesdales, HEAVY tapes that must have been six or eight hours long, that my dad would mass-record onto. A string of movies like, Dumbo, Mary Poppins, Volcanoes, My Little Pony, Swiss Family Robinson, Flight of the Navigator. I could sit and watch one of those all day. I think I fast forwarded through Volcanoes pretty much every time, though. It was a little scary.
But I did like the volcano section in Fantasia. That was another one on a tape of six other movies. I think that Star Fairies was on that one at the end. And Care Bears.
But the volcanoes in Fantasia, they looked like they were spewing something delicious. With the rocks crumbling away as the lava poured over them, it was sort of like....meat and cheese or something. Some sort of delicious food made up in my imagination. I wasn't so fond of the part at the end though, where the lava runs into the ocean and there is so much smoke, I suppose it wasn't as appetizing. Like offering someone a steamy cup of water when they're hungry.
It's funny how none of this means anything, but it's all still stored away in there, a totally useless reference. Its only purpose seems to be for passing amusement. I wish it meant something. It would be nice to piece together all these tiny things, strands and bits into some dumb art project. Then could you stand back and say, "Ha! I'm done." No, it sucks because you keep living. Things keep happening and you think, but I have all these things here, look, this book I made, but NO it doesn't matter, things are happening, with or without your bad poetry, your shitty sculpture, your stupid scribblings.
I wonder when I got so pessimistic.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
How Lost You Wouldn't Feel
I feel a rush of sentimentality coming on, but I can't help it.
I'm sort of listening in to a couple of girls having a conversation, funny how other people's lives can be unknowingly observed, speculated upon, sympathized with, how often just hearing an exchange or seeing a gesture can turn my own existence into a fluttery, emotional mess.
And I think I've been listening to people a lot today. At lunch. At work. Even when nothing is going on in my life, there are a million thoughts being exchanged, revelations being made, relationships being broken or mended, thousands of, for a lack of a better word, I have to use film's reference to "beats" and, I guess continuing what I started, climaxes, denouements, turning points and resolutions revolving and falling into place, little wheel cogs, little metal gears that I imagine would fall to a concrete floor with a shower of ringing clinks, tiny tiny gears.
See what I mean?
The first girl is sitting with her friend, explaining to her a breakup with her boyfriend. As she talks, her voice falls into a slight tremor at times, like she's holding back more than she can let out. She has taken the tea bag out of her mug and is sifting through its contents, laying out little piles of different herbs and what look like smooth round seeds. She doesn't look at her friend, but is intensely focused on her hands' idle work.
Her friend sits close to her, her eyes never leaving her face, as if she's trying to see past her eyes into what I suppose is HER. Who can tell, really?
There is definitely love there. Good to see that.
And also so amazing, like a synapse popping into alignment, how familiar, deja vu into another life. Makes me wonder if there are these connections with everyone, between everyone. Maybe just that I have turned my head in just that same way as the man in the plaid shirt in the corner, placed my hand on my forehead, exhaled. I feel it's likely.
While I'm thinking about it, who else has drank out of this mug? In a glamorized way, it's a touchstone, connecting trailing strands of existence. But isn't it nice to glamorize. Why not make everything a little more beautiful, a little more bright, even if you may be a fool for it?
What if everyone, for a moment, could pay attention when you say, Hello? and answer in a reverberating chorus, Yes.
I'm sort of listening in to a couple of girls having a conversation, funny how other people's lives can be unknowingly observed, speculated upon, sympathized with, how often just hearing an exchange or seeing a gesture can turn my own existence into a fluttery, emotional mess.
And I think I've been listening to people a lot today. At lunch. At work. Even when nothing is going on in my life, there are a million thoughts being exchanged, revelations being made, relationships being broken or mended, thousands of, for a lack of a better word, I have to use film's reference to "beats" and, I guess continuing what I started, climaxes, denouements, turning points and resolutions revolving and falling into place, little wheel cogs, little metal gears that I imagine would fall to a concrete floor with a shower of ringing clinks, tiny tiny gears.
See what I mean?
The first girl is sitting with her friend, explaining to her a breakup with her boyfriend. As she talks, her voice falls into a slight tremor at times, like she's holding back more than she can let out. She has taken the tea bag out of her mug and is sifting through its contents, laying out little piles of different herbs and what look like smooth round seeds. She doesn't look at her friend, but is intensely focused on her hands' idle work.
Her friend sits close to her, her eyes never leaving her face, as if she's trying to see past her eyes into what I suppose is HER. Who can tell, really?
There is definitely love there. Good to see that.
And also so amazing, like a synapse popping into alignment, how familiar, deja vu into another life. Makes me wonder if there are these connections with everyone, between everyone. Maybe just that I have turned my head in just that same way as the man in the plaid shirt in the corner, placed my hand on my forehead, exhaled. I feel it's likely.
While I'm thinking about it, who else has drank out of this mug? In a glamorized way, it's a touchstone, connecting trailing strands of existence. But isn't it nice to glamorize. Why not make everything a little more beautiful, a little more bright, even if you may be a fool for it?
What if everyone, for a moment, could pay attention when you say, Hello? and answer in a reverberating chorus, Yes.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I Don't Make Mistakes
When will we wear wigs?
Someone remind me where that's from.
I apologize (to the probably like 2 people who read my blog) for the prolonged absence of new material here. What can I say? I had an aneurysm. It was delicious.
Something I was thinking about today, how when you say "Oh man" it means you're disappointed, when you say "oh boy" it means you're excited, "oh girl" you're about to give someone somewhat condescending advice, and ...."oh woman"...? hmmm. What does it all mean?
Speaking of language, I was recently having a very interesting conversation with a friend about how words, or labels, are really the basis of society in a lot of ways. What's amazing is that words are made up and thus society and culture and everything we deal with on a daily basis is all a giant imaginative complex linked between everyone's heads.
I'm sort of imagining a structure like the one Dr. Manhattan makes on Mars, but bigger and more complex, less spherical, well it's not really that much like it nevermind.
I've recently been compiling a mental list of things that make me happy so that when I go back to my cave of an apartment I don't lose all lust for life and drown myself in my sink. I'm sure pretty much all of these things are universal, but sometimes the most obvious things slip your mind when you feel like God himself is reaching his fucking arm through just to push you down. (The Wretched...anyone?)
Anyway, here are some:
Reading Comics
Especially X-Men. My favorite character is Jean Grey. Appropriately enough, my least favorite is Emma Frost. What a bitch!
Also, I like how this issue actually has nothing to do with Wolverine and Cyclops fighting over Jean, no matter what the cover implies.
Eating
(This is a delicious chocolate cakey dessert I had at Corazon on 5th and Baylor)
I. Love. Food. There is no substitute. And of course, food is always best when you're with other people with whom you can discuss how great food is. If only my stomach was infinite. Or I didn't mind being mistaken for Jabba the Hut.
Flying kites
When it's sunny out, that yellow sunny, there is nothing more I like than to be outside running, watching a colorful frame of nylon soar into a clear sky.
Here is another thing (I already linked this on Frances's blog but it's just so wonderful) that always makes me happy:
It's okay. Let's go to sleep.
Someone remind me where that's from.
I apologize (to the probably like 2 people who read my blog) for the prolonged absence of new material here. What can I say? I had an aneurysm. It was delicious.
Something I was thinking about today, how when you say "Oh man" it means you're disappointed, when you say "oh boy" it means you're excited, "oh girl" you're about to give someone somewhat condescending advice, and ...."oh woman"...? hmmm. What does it all mean?
Speaking of language, I was recently having a very interesting conversation with a friend about how words, or labels, are really the basis of society in a lot of ways. What's amazing is that words are made up and thus society and culture and everything we deal with on a daily basis is all a giant imaginative complex linked between everyone's heads.
I'm sort of imagining a structure like the one Dr. Manhattan makes on Mars, but bigger and more complex, less spherical, well it's not really that much like it nevermind.
I've recently been compiling a mental list of things that make me happy so that when I go back to my cave of an apartment I don't lose all lust for life and drown myself in my sink. I'm sure pretty much all of these things are universal, but sometimes the most obvious things slip your mind when you feel like God himself is reaching his fucking arm through just to push you down. (The Wretched...anyone?)
Anyway, here are some:
Reading Comics
Especially X-Men. My favorite character is Jean Grey. Appropriately enough, my least favorite is Emma Frost. What a bitch!
Also, I like how this issue actually has nothing to do with Wolverine and Cyclops fighting over Jean, no matter what the cover implies.
Eating
(This is a delicious chocolate cakey dessert I had at Corazon on 5th and Baylor)
I. Love. Food. There is no substitute. And of course, food is always best when you're with other people with whom you can discuss how great food is. If only my stomach was infinite. Or I didn't mind being mistaken for Jabba the Hut.
Flying kites
When it's sunny out, that yellow sunny, there is nothing more I like than to be outside running, watching a colorful frame of nylon soar into a clear sky.
Here is another thing (I already linked this on Frances's blog but it's just so wonderful) that always makes me happy:
It's okay. Let's go to sleep.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Super Exciting Top of the Morning
First off,
I'm VERY excited, because, upon closer examination of my latest issue of ReadyMade, I saw an ad for their SXSW event!!
As it is described:
Live acoustic performances, hands-on project stations (ooh boy!), exciting sweepstakes, gift bags & more!
Anyway, I'm totally going to be there, Saturday the 21st 11am - 4pm (yes the whole time) at Halcyon. I hope they'll be serving s'mores as well...
Equally exciting, my tires were slashed for the fourth time in the past month. YES!
Seriously, if I see you, I will without hesitation mace you and then pursue you down the alley with my recurve. I'm a VERY good shot, you motherfucker.
The van just looks so sad.
A huge thanks to Rhea who introduced me to the best movie I've seen since.....the one I watched the night before?
Anyway, Survive Style 5+ is full of delicious sets and warm fuzzy love with just the right amount of black humor and surrealism. I definitely want whoever was in charge of the production design to decorate my future home. This film feels like happy giggly balloons floating in your stomach.
Plus, the soundtrack is really good. Too bad it's like $30 because it's so crazy foreign. Seriously, the dvd title menu is in Japanese.
A list of things that are on my kitchen table right now:
laptop
note from mom
nail polish
scissors
squishy lucky cat
Saturday, March 7, 2009
I Had A Dream Last Night (Whatever)
My dreams have been giving me no rest from the absurd and bizarre lately. Maybe it's good for me. I feel like my subconscious always knows what's up. Better than I do, anyway.
I can't wait to take some animation classes, I'm suddenly so inspired! If I knew how, I'd animate some of this weird shit. But let's see what I can convey using a picture from the first page of a google images search.
So, in the past two weeks there has been:
a werewolf man who I failed to kill with my bow and arrow:
strangely enough, he WAS dressed in Native American tribal stuff
a live palm-sized fish that I had to eat alive, which turned out to have a woman's face:
This is totally unrelated.
slitting a friend's throat vertically with a knife:
this is actually a chick, I think, which is very sad but I'd say equally as disturbing
being on top of the twin towers, which were taller than usual and swaying dangerously in the wind:
they were thinner and scarier than this. Plus, slippery, and I really thought I was going to die.
large panthers that were trying to brainwash Frances's cat Charlie:
Charlie:
That one ended with me having to hammer a spike into Charlie's brain without destroying it....
Thank god I woke up.
Anyway, if you haven't ever read it, you definitely need to check out ReadyMade magazine. It's absolutely spectacular and makes you wish you had a house to build or a trailer to refurbish. For real. And it just has really good intuitive tips for everyday life. I love it!
How cool is this??
Yeah...
If anyone wants to make a bookshelf or a house or something, please let me know.
I can't wait to take some animation classes, I'm suddenly so inspired! If I knew how, I'd animate some of this weird shit. But let's see what I can convey using a picture from the first page of a google images search.
So, in the past two weeks there has been:
a werewolf man who I failed to kill with my bow and arrow:
strangely enough, he WAS dressed in Native American tribal stuff
a live palm-sized fish that I had to eat alive, which turned out to have a woman's face:
This is totally unrelated.
slitting a friend's throat vertically with a knife:
this is actually a chick, I think, which is very sad but I'd say equally as disturbing
being on top of the twin towers, which were taller than usual and swaying dangerously in the wind:
they were thinner and scarier than this. Plus, slippery, and I really thought I was going to die.
large panthers that were trying to brainwash Frances's cat Charlie:
Charlie:
That one ended with me having to hammer a spike into Charlie's brain without destroying it....
Thank god I woke up.
Anyway, if you haven't ever read it, you definitely need to check out ReadyMade magazine. It's absolutely spectacular and makes you wish you had a house to build or a trailer to refurbish. For real. And it just has really good intuitive tips for everyday life. I love it!
How cool is this??
Yeah...
If anyone wants to make a bookshelf or a house or something, please let me know.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Fighting Whitey
As I'm pretty sure no one would appreciate hearing what's going through my head right now (actually pretty much nothing), I'm just going to talk about the movies I've seen in the past week or so. Week? How many times have I been to I Luv Video this week? Who knows.
Let's see....
There has been a preponderance of blaxploitation amid my recent viewings. Which is great!
First off, there's Superfly, which I was expecting to be about a hardass drug dealer who kicks white ass. Which is almost entirely true but he actually turned out to be somewhat of a softie when it came down to it. I think I recall a scene in which he was watching children play in the park with his girlfriend with a sort of longing but entirely unsexual look. I know, right?
Also, the soundtrack is THE SHIT. I actually went home after watching that movie and picked up my bass for the first time in months.
Anyway, his mustache says it all.
Then I watched Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song (three a's, five s's.) While I guess I can see how this film jump started the whole blaxploitation cycle in some aspects, it mostly just came off to me like a French New Wave film. Most of the actions scenes that are so prominent in the other films are pretty much masked or subverted by the abundance of overlays, psychadelic color contrasts, and discontinuous editing. There is a good amount of (apparently unprotected) sex, during which the actor acquired some gonorrhea. Leaves you wondering which one of those girls gave it to him... My money's on the red-headed chick with the really bad tan. Anyway, it's really a good film, definitely gives you something to think about. But if all you're looking for is some ridiculous violence and funky outfits, it's there, I guess, but you'll have to sift through a whole lot of artsy stuff to get to it.
This is pretty much what he looks like for the entire film. Except when he opens his mouth to deliver his 6 or so lines. "Fuck."
Foxy Brown I'd have to say is probably my favorite out of the three. Maybe it's because I love girls who beat the shit out of people. Or maybe I was just in the right mood. But either way, it's undeniable that Pam Grier is superhot and has an amazing wardrobe in this film. Plus, someone's dick gets cut off. Whoops! Oh who cares. Anyway, if nothing else, this film demonstrates the functionality of the afro as a great place to hide guns.
damn.
Let's see....
There has been a preponderance of blaxploitation amid my recent viewings. Which is great!
First off, there's Superfly, which I was expecting to be about a hardass drug dealer who kicks white ass. Which is almost entirely true but he actually turned out to be somewhat of a softie when it came down to it. I think I recall a scene in which he was watching children play in the park with his girlfriend with a sort of longing but entirely unsexual look. I know, right?
Also, the soundtrack is THE SHIT. I actually went home after watching that movie and picked up my bass for the first time in months.
Anyway, his mustache says it all.
Then I watched Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song (three a's, five s's.) While I guess I can see how this film jump started the whole blaxploitation cycle in some aspects, it mostly just came off to me like a French New Wave film. Most of the actions scenes that are so prominent in the other films are pretty much masked or subverted by the abundance of overlays, psychadelic color contrasts, and discontinuous editing. There is a good amount of (apparently unprotected) sex, during which the actor acquired some gonorrhea. Leaves you wondering which one of those girls gave it to him... My money's on the red-headed chick with the really bad tan. Anyway, it's really a good film, definitely gives you something to think about. But if all you're looking for is some ridiculous violence and funky outfits, it's there, I guess, but you'll have to sift through a whole lot of artsy stuff to get to it.
This is pretty much what he looks like for the entire film. Except when he opens his mouth to deliver his 6 or so lines. "Fuck."
Foxy Brown I'd have to say is probably my favorite out of the three. Maybe it's because I love girls who beat the shit out of people. Or maybe I was just in the right mood. But either way, it's undeniable that Pam Grier is superhot and has an amazing wardrobe in this film. Plus, someone's dick gets cut off. Whoops! Oh who cares. Anyway, if nothing else, this film demonstrates the functionality of the afro as a great place to hide guns.
damn.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Taken a DEEP Breath, Breathe
Ahhhh.....
What a sledgehammer and some unnecessary wall can't solve.
Thanks to a cosmic meeting between me and my sister's friend Jen, I got to break things this weekend, thus bringing me to a state of inner Zen. Ohh it feels goooooood.
Here is the room full of my quelled rage:
I love half-finished houses. And the idea of smashing up the old and pasting over it clean, new slates.
And physical labor is so much more infinitely satisfying that so many other kinds of work. I need to remember to make things with my hands more often.
Anyway, Jen also introduced me to a cafe that I've been missing out on, like, forever. Progress! I need to remember to explore more, too.
Everything is biodegradable and environmentally friendly and the sun shines in the windows and on the deck. Everything I could possibly want, plus Dublin Dr. Pepper and Mexican Coke. LOVE
Also this week,
My dad hosted a cheesecake get-together thing and was doubtless ecstatic to learn that Frances plays the piano. Many duets ensued.
I'm pretty satisfied at this juncture. I started a really good Murakami book, and realized I need to remember to READ. It always makes me feel so much smarter. Makes me have ideas and think. Fancy that. But seriously, it's so necessary.
Also, I'm totally in love with this song and this music video. Someday, I'm going to learn how to do this sort of thing.
I promise.
What a sledgehammer and some unnecessary wall can't solve.
Thanks to a cosmic meeting between me and my sister's friend Jen, I got to break things this weekend, thus bringing me to a state of inner Zen. Ohh it feels goooooood.
Here is the room full of my quelled rage:
I love half-finished houses. And the idea of smashing up the old and pasting over it clean, new slates.
And physical labor is so much more infinitely satisfying that so many other kinds of work. I need to remember to make things with my hands more often.
Anyway, Jen also introduced me to a cafe that I've been missing out on, like, forever. Progress! I need to remember to explore more, too.
Everything is biodegradable and environmentally friendly and the sun shines in the windows and on the deck. Everything I could possibly want, plus Dublin Dr. Pepper and Mexican Coke. LOVE
Also this week,
My dad hosted a cheesecake get-together thing and was doubtless ecstatic to learn that Frances plays the piano. Many duets ensued.
I'm pretty satisfied at this juncture. I started a really good Murakami book, and realized I need to remember to READ. It always makes me feel so much smarter. Makes me have ideas and think. Fancy that. But seriously, it's so necessary.
Also, I'm totally in love with this song and this music video. Someday, I'm going to learn how to do this sort of thing.
I promise.
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