Come Over and Let's Sleep.

Today has been an eventful week.
My god my brain is in a state of shock. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever regain my grip on reality. Or did I ever have one.....ooooooohhh.... blah.
To summarize, stress is eating me from the toes up, and is now right about at my navel. I used to think my navel never ended. Like if I dug into it it would just keep going. Weird. Gross. I also slept in a hot tub last night. and was repeatedly molested by sage bushes. And I think my neighbors have decided that our family is officially the strangest thing to ever drop into their neighborhood and probably are secretly happy we're almost all gone. That being said they're very nice very amazing people. But even amazing nice people don't like UFOs landing in their backyards. Needless to say, I'm implanting a copy of my house key into my left ankle so that i can rip it out at the necessary moment and save everyone eight hours of floaty warm sleeplessness.
I watched the movie closer again today. I keep trying to give it a chance ever since the first time I dismissed it. I'd love to think it's making a powerful and profound statement about love and people, but it's sort of hard for me to believe. There are definitely points where I feel like it's right on, but then others they totally lose me.
Winter is a shitty time to be lonely. Or maybe it's that winter makes you feel like you're lonely even when you're not. Both. Anyways I sort of wish I had a twin or something. Or a best friend. Not that I don't. But someone who was my best friend and whose best friend was me. It's all about reciprocity. Or maybe I just need a dog. I'm seriously considering a cat. I appreciate Henry, my stuffed white owl, so much at night it's ridiculous. But I don't know what I'd do without him.
And I need to do laundry. Basically my entire closet is sitting in my laundry basket. And my apartment is messy. I hate that. There's too much stuff and I'm too unmotivated in life to do anything. so I wallow. I'm sorry it's so messy. Really. I swear I'm not normally like this. Please don't think I'm a dirty person. I'm not!
I'm not.

Fetus.

It wasn't really what I wanted to do exactly, or what I expected, but I suppose everything turned out okay.

My baby. Or more like my aborted fetus.
Delicious.

http://vimeo.com/2310940

That picture actually has nothing to do with it.

S-Pong-ee Sponge?

Sometimes it scares me to think about my body in terms of biology. Like how the bones have aged, and how the tendons connect things and muscles stretch and capillaries get smashed when you cross your legs and whatnot. Kind of scary. And jesus. These bones and liver and heart are all like nineteen years old. That's way past the expiration date of most things.
Like who would eat a nineteen year old egg?
I guess maybe a twinkie. But that's only because they're so full of preservatives. And I guess that would be the equivalent of botox or something. Marrow injections? That's sort of like a twinkie. Bone with fluffy marrow filling.
I wish marrow was fluffy. Or at least tasty and gooey. But I think it's not really like that.
I can't remember what Bill Nye told me.
I do seem to remember my mom saying she was in love with the science guy, though.
She said the same thing about C3PO. sort of. Actually I think I remember her first telling me, as I showed her the back of our Star Wars: A New Hope vinyl, pointing at the shiny gold robot asking if he was a bad guy, her saying "No, he's wonderful."
After watching it, I don't think I'd say that so much. Or not in the way I thought it meant in my head. Wonderful like Buddha. Or something.
But how do I know what Buddha is like? I guess maybe more like the Dalai Lama.
I don't know much about him really either, but I've seen videos of him and I can't stop smiling.
I like things like that, the ones that grab you and squeeze some sort of emotion out of you. I like being swept along, not having a choice, you just cry. I don't think that happens to me much. Makes me wonder if I'm cold. But then again, today I almost started crying when I remembered this book I read about a weasel who was tragically in love with a beautiful fish. God.

Little Boots

I can't stop thinking about this one word in Italian but I don't know exactly what it is. Learning languages makes words and phrases run on repeat in my head. Sometimes it happens with English, though, too. It's nice to know where it comes from though. Somehow it's so much better to have a phrase running in circles like an autistic dreidel when you know what obscure lobe of your brain decided to regurgitate it.
Sometimes smells get stuck in my nose too. This sort of hasn't happened for a while now, which makes me a little sad. It used to happen at least every fall and spring. In the spring it was normally this sort of mixture of the smell of those Girl Scout cookies caramel delights and snot. Which was strangely pleasant. I guess the snot part was maybe just my nose. But the combination was sort of nice. Then in the fall it would be something else. Something I really can't explain. One of those things like the hallusions or whatever when you look directly at it, it slinks off to the side of the page, slippery. I don't know what it was. I wish it would come back.
There's this song, aptly named, also making the rounds in my head.
I guess it could be compared to habits. In some ways, it's the same thing. Something happening over and over again. The way to describe it is like water trickling through dirt for the first time. Then there's tiny spidery trails and the rest of the water takes the easy way out and follows. And before you know it, the GRAND CANYON.
And I remember calling them "samskaras," which I liked. I like. I think it makes sense. They're not necessarily good or bad, just habit. Paths carved, that your thoughts go through. Sometimes I imagine thoughts like the silvery stuff in the pensive in Harry Potter. Aaaahh...pop culture.
But it makes it hard when you want to change something. You can't just put up dams.
Blah. I feel like I'm giving a lecture. I hate that. Hate. That.
Oh actually I do have a smell stuck in my nose. Maybe. But I keep smelling this sort of styrofoam and crisco thing. Actually that might have a logical explanation. But that's no fun.
It smells like sort of almost good food, but not quite. Sort of like those edible packing peanuts.
Seriously, who thought of that?
Not everything is meant to be edible.

Works. By me.

I've started a channel on vimeo.com so everyone has access to my spectacular videographic creations.

http://vimeo.com/user797089/videos

All of these are just projects for my classes so far.

Anyways, I'm actually pretty proud of my halloween costume that I made this year. As always, I came up with a crazy idea at the last minute and just made it in a fervent rush. But this was the first year that anyone has stopped me on the street to ask to take a picture with me, so I think it was worth it.






See?












Rawr.